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home : insight & opinion : guest columns July 8, 2020

5/1/2006 2:49:00 PM Email this articlePrint this article 
Guest Column
50th birthday didn't come with all the facts

For The Daily News

I don't know when it all started, but as I recall, I do remember the look of pity on the faces of those over 50 at my 50th birthday party. Now I know why my darling husband and church family gave me such a big shindig, and on the Sabbath day ta-boot! They knew... and they withheld all the important facts from me.

I think it was just this past week that it all hit me. As I sat in church Sunday morning, I looked down and saw all of the spots on my hands and arms, and thought... Now, if I connected the dots, I could probably come up with someone famous and people would drive from miles around just to see whose face I was wearing. Maybe I could charge a fee, and get that little red convertible I have my eye on! (For those of you wondering, yes...I was listening to the sermon!)

I am also finding that my trips to Wal-Mart are no longer as fun as they use to be. My body automatically turns left and goes to the drug aisle looking for the biggest tube of muscle cream I can find, (why don't they make that in gallon jugs?), picking up blood pressure medicine, (it wouldn't be high if I didn't have the stress of all the crazy stuff I find myself doing), water pills (let's not go there), hormone medicine (let's definitely not go there!), and anything else I can find for what ails me.

Our home has its own wonderful smell that came along with these changes. It's not us sneezing from having a precious little Pomeranian named Toby - he's the one sneezing from the smell of wintergreen permeating throughout the house.

This morning really topped it off. For those of you who call yourself my friends and have never told me this happens, shame on you! I refuse to believe that I'm the only one this happens to. As I was preparing to get in the shower, I took my nightshirt off and went to put it in the hamper, and instead... lifted up the toilet lid. I came just shy of dropping it in, when I realized I had lifted the wrong lid! Then...instead of picking up my witch hazel to put on my cotton ball to put on my face for my morning beauty treatment (now that's a laugh), I picked up my bottle of nail polish remover. Please don't panic! I caught my mistake in time, but I can tell you that my hair smells real nice today since I used Lysol spray instead of my hair spray.

Sheila Ducommon lives in Oblong.

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